It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
