clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
