ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
