im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
