he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize