Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
