Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
