she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A bitchslap is in order.
Your penis caused this!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
