Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
