i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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