just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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