can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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