i just wanna soil my oats bro
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
