We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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