What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so let's talk penis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
