If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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