i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
