So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
