Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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