the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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