The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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