Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
