i don't like sucking hair
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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