Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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