Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize