Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
