New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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