All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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