I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I color on your dick again?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
