Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
