but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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