I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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