She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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