I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
