She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
