Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
