If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize