There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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