i just had sex bonerless
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
