Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
whose parrot is this?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize