Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
