I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize