you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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