After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
