i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
