I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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