Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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