yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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