My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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