don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
