I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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