my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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