Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
