After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
