bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
