hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
