roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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