i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
