then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize