all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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