literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
