just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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