just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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