at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
