its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
