This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
