did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
