So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
