Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The struggles of a small town man whore
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
