Plan B is the new Plan A
I need help removing her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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