dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
