I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
