Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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