and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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