she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
