I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
