I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
