GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
